


The Cats of Death

by xCabooseRTRvB



Series: The Cats of Immortality [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Blood, Brothers In Crime, Cat stealing, Cats, Fake AH Crew, Guns, Immortal Fake AH Crew, Immortality, Lots of Cats, Major character death - Freeform, Tell me to tag anything else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 17:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11948724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xCabooseRTRvB/pseuds/xCabooseRTRvB
Summary: Prompt: You encounter a cat who follows people around the day before they die. But now it’s been following you around for a month.





	The Cats of Death

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MerryLittleKittyFairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerryLittleKittyFairy/gifts).



> Well then, this was an interesting piece to write. Love cats, love AH, why not combine them?

In the middle of the park at ten at night, Alfredo had been crouched in front of the fur ball for an hour straight and staring at the ball of floof with his arm stretched out in front of him, trying to lure the cat to him. He even went to the lengths of buying cat food for it. Lying down, the floofy ball licked its paw and seemed to stare right through Alfredo with its piercing green eyes as Alfredo finally sighed in defeat. “If you follow people around the day before they die, why have you been following me for almost a month?” He asked the cat who continued to watch him intently. “Symbol of death, yet I haven’t died.” Alfredo stood and stretched his arms and legs as the cat also stood and stretched. “Oh, now you’re just copying me,” Alfredo said with a fond smile and picked up his bag, stuffing the cat food into his bag and walking away as the cat followed him. “I still have to find a job and Trevor in this city and you’re distracting me. You should feel ashamed.” Alfredo stopped and turned to look at the cat who looked back innocently. “Of course you don’t care.” Talking to the cat in public was something Alfredo didn’t do often because he’d often get looks from bystanders because they couldn’t see the cat, but now he didn’t really give a fuck anymore and talked to the cat daily.

New city, new life.

Right?

Turning back, Alfredo crashed into someone and fell backward, landing on his ass and shutting his eyes closed in pain. “Owww…” Opening his eyes, a man stood up and quickly apologized before jumping up and running off as a… cat followed him. This one was different though. It was brown and long haired with a fierce look on its face. One of its golden brown eyes looked damaged though. Standing, Alfredo turned around and ran to catch up to the guy because it sucked just dying when you haven’t even told your loved ones that you love them. “C’mon Ace, let’s go.” Yes, he even named the cat.

Looking around the corner, Alfredo saw the man get to the end of the alleyway and kick off the wall to grab onto the ladder leading to the fire escape of an apartment building. The guy’s cat jumped onto a dumpster and jumped into the man’s arms as Alfredo frowned. If the man could see and touch the cat, then surely, it’s not a Cat of Death, right? Alfredo’s seen hundreds of cats following people before they died and Ace was one of them, but no one ever interacted with their cats because they couldn’t see them. Right?

It’s a real cat then.

Right?

Alfredo slowly walked into the alleyway, “Excuse me!” Alfredo called and startled the man who froze and turned around, but sighed in relief when he saw it was Alfredo. “I have a uh… weird, awkward question before you uh parkour your way out of here.”

“I’m kind of on a fucking schedule here.” The guy said and dropped his cat as it landed on its feet and looked down at Alfredo with that fierce look. “What is it?” He asked as Alfredo blinked. He thought that the guy would decline and just run off, but if wherever he was going was less important than this conversation, then he’ll take it.

Alfredo cleared his throat, “Uh well… Your cat is um… Is your cat real?”

The man appeared to smirk at that, “I’ll tell you later.” Pulling out a gun, the man pointed it directly at Alfredo who immediately raised his hands in surrender.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! If you’re offended, I’m sorry! I’ll just leave now.” Alfredo shouted in exasperation and closed his eyes as a shot rang out, making his ears ring. He couldn’t hear anything for a full thirty seconds and opened his eyes to look down at himself, relieved when there wasn’t a hole or blood anywhere on him. Behind him, he heard a body drop and turned around swiftly, eyes widening at the dead body behind him. “What the fuck?” Alfredo turned back to ask the man what the fuck just happened, but he was already gone. Ace meowed next to him and dropped something as Alfredo bent down to pick it up and frowned when Ace backed away from his hand. Was Ace not allowed to touch him or something? He picked up a piece of paper and read it.

_“You want an answer to your question? Go to the north airport, I’ll meet you there tomorrow at noon. That’s if you don’t get caught.”_

Alfredo looked down at Ace, “How did you even get this?” He swore he just saw Ace smile mischievously. He sighed, “He’s going to kill me or something, isn’t he?” Remembering that he was standing next to a dead body in the middle of the night, Alfredo ran out of there and down a couple of blocks before slowing down into a walk. “Guess I’ll find out then.”

Ace meowed.

«~•~»

Honestly, Alfredo didn’t mind walking everywhere, but it was an extremely humid day and he was dying under the sun as he approached the airport and sighed in relief when he arrived at the main hangar. Sighing in relief, Alfredo looked down at Ace, “Please tell me you know where he’s at.” Ace only meowed as Alfredo groaned and sat down because he was way too fucking tired to walk the entire airport strip to find one guy. Leaning against the building, Alfredo closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “Wake me up when he’s here.”

“YOU!” Someone yelled suddenly as Alfredo’s eyes opened instinctively and he jumped in surprise, looking around and spotting someone stomping over to him. Pointing an accusatory finger at Alfredo, the stranger shouted, “You stole my cat!”

“Cat?” Alfredo echoed in confusion and looked down at Ace who met his gaze. “Right uh…” Alfredo stood up and dusted himself off. “I don’t know what cat you’re talking about.”

“Obviously, you don’t have the cat here with you! Mr. Whiskers can’t stand the heat! Where is he?”

“Honestly sir, I don’t have your cat. Wrong person, maybe?” Alfredo responded calmly.

The stranger shook his head and jabbed a finger at Alfredo, “You have my cat! Tell me where Mr. Whiskers is!”

“Do you—” Alfredo glanced behind the man and pointed down at the cat with a white coat and blue eyes. “Is that your cat?”

Turning around frantically, the stranger looked around and frowned, “Are you making a fool out of me? I'm not crazy! You have my cat!”

Alfredo blinked at him and realized that a Cat of Death was right behind the man, “No, sorry, I uh… I thought there was a cat behind you. You're not crazy at all!” Alfredo assured and waved his hands in front of him with an awkward, apologetic smile. _Except for the fact that you're accusing me of stealing a cat, I don't have._ Alfredo rolled his eyes.

“Hey! Are you sassing me?” The stranger asked with a very defined frown and stepped closer as Alfredo blinked at him and sighed.

“No sir, I'm not, but could you please step away?” Alfredo requested politely as the stranger scoffed.

“Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?” He gasped suddenly. “Are you hiding my cat behind you?! Lemme see!” Shoving Alfredo out of the way, the stranger looked around as Alfredo hit the ground and frowned. This guy was surprisingly strong.

“What the fuck?!” Alfredo exclaimed and stood up, confronting the guy. “I don’t have your fucking cat! Now fuck off before I—” His eyes widened as a red dot appeared on the stranger’s chest. Okay, he knew that this city was infamous for its crime rating, but what the fuck did this guy do to deserve this. _Fuck it…_ Alfredo thought and tackled the stranger to the ground because this guy was just looking for his stupid cat and no one deserved death before they found their cat. Guess it’s been a day since that cat had been following him.

Shoving Alfredo off, the stranger yelled, “What are you doing?”

Moving to get up, Alfredo felt a sharp pain in his chest as his hand instinctively shoot out to feel his chest and froze when he felt liquid combined with a wound in his chest. He looked down as blood trickled down and looked back at the stranger who stared back in fear. Ace came around and stood in front of him with that innocent look as Alfredo’s eyelids felt heavy and he fell over, all strength leaving him. Eyes slowly closing, he saw Ace approach him and placed its paw on his forehead before Alfredo fully closed his eyes and welcomed the darkness as a distant sound echoed in his ears. Looks like the alley man really did decide to kill him.

Ace meowed.

«~•~»

“Is this really how long it fucking takes?”

“Yes.”

“It’s been like a day!”

“It’s been two hours.”

“He should be awake by now.”

“Maybe he’s really dead.”

“His cat’s still here.”

“Sh, he’s waking up.”

Blearily blinking his eyes open, Alfredo stared at the ceiling for a while and blinked blankly as the memories came back to him full force, suddenly sitting up and reaching for his chest. Breathing heavily, Alfredo looked around the room and found six people around him, all staring at him expectantly. All with… cats next to them. Something fluffy brushed his hand and his head whipped down to see Ace brush its head against his hand and look up at him, meowing softly. “I should be dead,” Alfredo spoke quietly and raised his hand carefully above Ace, waiting for Ace to walk away from him like it's done so many times before. However, Ace didn’t back away and pushed its head toward his hand as Alfredo smiled and petted the cat. “Why am I not dead?” He looked at the people around him. One of them was the man in the alley and another was the stranger accusing him of stealing his cat.

The alley man crossed his arms over his chest, “You see that cat next to you?” Alfredo instinctively looked down at Ace. “You see our cats?” Alfredo looked around and counted six cats. The alley man had the brown cat next to him and the accusing stranger had the white cat with blue eyes next to him. Alfredo nodded as the alley man smirked, “You’ve finally encountered death thanks to us, so you’re ready to join up with us.”

Frowning, Alfredo’s eyebrows furrowed, “Join up with you? What are you talking about?”

“That cat is basically your life, that cat dies, you’re dead.” Alfredo stared at him as the alley man sighed, “You’re immortal.”

“Immortal?” Alfredo echoed in confusion. “Wait, you didn’t answer my question.”

“Have you heard of the Fake AH Crew?” He asked as Alfredo nodded. Everyone knew them. The moment he arrived in Los Santos, he instantly knew the infamous gang that basically ruled the entire city and he told himself to stay away from them and let them do their own thing. At least, in that case, he’ll be able to stay alive. Which he guessed doesn’t matter anymore, considering he’s immortal for some reason.

Then the realization hit him.

“You’re the Fakes,” Alfredo answered and saw some of them nod. “Well, what do you want with me?”

“You’re immortal, we’re immortal, surely we could figure something out here.” The accusing stranger said and laughed, “Life of crime because who wants to be stuck behind a computer counting numbers or signing papers for their immortal lives?”

“Heard you were looking for a job, so we’re offering you one.” Another one spoke casually. He had tattooed hands, a handlebar mustache, and a suit on. His cat was a long hair tabby with a brown coat, its posture looked professional and Alfredo swore that he could see that cat handling a business deal. “How ‘bout it?”

“Names would be preferable before I sold my soul to someone,” Alfredo said sarcastically with a shrug of his shoulder.

“I’m Geoff Ramsey, supposed leader of the Fakes and sub-leader of the Gents. In other words, someone else does my job for me.” The one with the handlebar mustache replied and gestured to his cat. “This is Ruby, my companion.” He gestured to the alley man next, “This is Michael Jones, sub-leader of the Lads and explosives specialist. His partner is Mogar.” The accusing stranger was next, “This is Ryan Haywood AKA the Vagabond and my top hit man if I need something done quick. His companion is Edgar.” The white cat seemed to straighten up at that. Pointing at a gangly looking man who wore sunglasses inside, Geoff said, “That’s Gavin Free, our negotiator who sets up deals with other gangs and is an annoying asshole.” Gavin protested at that as Geoff ignored him, “His companion is Smee.” The mostly whitish gray cat with a chocolate point meowed in response. “That’s Jack Pattillo, my second-in-command and someone I trust my entire life with. Her partner is Uday.” The orange striped cat appeared to nod at Alfredo. “Finally, Jeremy Dooley, he’s a mystery and no one knows what he does here.” Jeremy rolled his eyes as Geoff pointed at his cat, “That’s his companion, Scooter.” Geoff turned back to Alfredo, “And you?”

Alfredo blinked at them, “Uh, well, I’m Alfredo, I have some experience shooting a gun and this is Ace. Why did you come to me?”

“You’re free to leave, honestly. We offered you a job, you decide whether or not you want to join.” Jack answered and quickly added, “We won’t kill you if you decline, you’ll just be in our sights so that you don’t spill anything about us.”

“Why me?” Alfredo asked firmly and paused in his petting of Ace, looking down at his hands. “I’m someone you just picked up on the street. What’s so special about me? I don’t have some special talent and I’m mostly sure it’s just because I have Ace.” Jack opened her mouth to answer, but Alfredo looked at each of them and continued, “You just met me, I can see Cats of Death who follow someone around the day before they die. Ace follows me for a month and I’m fine. Then, one of you shoots me and kills me proving that I’m immortal as you drag me to what I assume is your base of operations which is on like the fiftieth floor of a building. I just moved to Los Santos a couple weeks ago and I’ve been looking for a job forever with the help of my friend, Trevor, who I can’t happen to find in this damn city. You offer me one and tell me that you knew I was looking for one. Have you been stalking me?”

Geoff shrugged and muttered, “Wouldn’t really call it stalking.”

“That’s not the point!” Alfredo shouted, startling some of the others. Sighing, Alfredo lowered his voice, “Sorry, I just need answers.”

“And we’ll give you all of them, but we can’t give that to you if you’re going to decline,” Jack said as a knock sounded from the door. “Come in.”

The door opened as someone he knew all too well walked in with a green eyed gray cat following him in, “Sorry to interrupt the meeting, but—Oh, he’s awake, how’s it going, Alfredo?”

“Trevor?” Alfredo called in surprise.

“Hey man, remember when I said I was going to offer you a job?” Trevor asked with a smile as Alfredo shook his head in disbelief.

“You’re joking…”

Trevor shrugged, “Why not? I’ve seen how good of a shot you are and you’re fairly good at teamwork when we played paintball with our friends.”

“You have a degree in aerospace engineering and I haven’t seen your cat until now!” Alfredo replied in exasperation. “Why are you doing crime?”

“When was the last time NASA was funded?” Trevor asked rhetorically and chuckled. “Anyway, it’s your choice. We can give you a while if you want.”

Alfredo shook his head, “How do you expect me to transition to this?”

“You don’t have to go up to heist level yet. You could be a scout for now. The city knows most of our faces, they don’t know yours though. Make a name for yourself, Alfredo, it’ll be worth it.” Trevor encouraged. “Death won’t matter as long as your cat doesn’t die. I’m not offering this job to you because you have a Cat of Death, it’s because I see the potential of what you could be if you team up with us. When Caleb and Mica left the Crew to join up with the Roosters, we needed an inside man, someone who can smooth talk anyone and get us into places we couldn’t normally get into. I suggested you, and Geoff, Lindsay, and Jack wanted to see how good you really were. Why do you think I took you to the range so many times before you moved here?”

“And you had to kill me, why?”

“Security measure,” Michael answered nonchalantly as Alfredo stared at him in disbelief.

“How is that a security measure? You could’ve actually killed me!”

“The longer you stayed alive with Ace only following you around, the more you were slowly killing Ace,” Jeremy informed. “If we didn’t kill you today, you would’ve actually died tomorrow. Max time’s a month. Now you’re immortal.”

“You don’t have to accept—” Trevor started.

“I’ll do it,” Alfredo said suddenly as everyone blinked at him.

Geoff spoke up, “Excuse me?”

Alfredo smirked, “I’ll join you as long as I get one question answered.” He turned to look at Michael who raised a brow. “Is your cat real?” Michael smirked and shook his head in disappointment.

“Of course, he’s real.”

Cats of Death?

More like Cats of Immortality.

**Author's Note:**

> Didn't really like the ending, so I might make another one shot in this universe.


End file.
